Here comes “that”day again.

Full disclosure here.  Today is a day that I like to see come and go—My Birthday.

I don’t know if I ever “celebrated” my birthday, but I do remember when I made a subconscious decision NOT to “celebrate”. It was my 22nd Birthday. It was a Thursday. I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was the day that doctors at St. Joseph’s Hospital told my family that my maternal grandmother would not make it through the night. I was heartbroken…devastated…afraid.  I spent my 22nd Birthday on deathwatch.

My grandmother was everything to me. If Thelma and Louise could be 43 years apart in age, then that would be us. I think my grandmother’s spirit and will would not have allowed her to rest in peace if she would have made her transition on my birthday.

Thankfully, my grandmother made it through the night and within a few days appeared to be improving.  I remember the Tuesday evening following my birthday, she was talking more than she had in a long time.  In my mind, God was about to perform in modern day miracle; but in reality, God was giving her a chance to say “Goodbye”.  Thursday evening (a week to the day after my birthday, she went home to be with God.  That was December 22, 1994.  Three days later I would experience my first Christmas without her.  There was no joy. No presents. No family dinner.  Two days after Christmas her body was laid to rest.

Each year leading up to my birthday, I relive “that” night over and over again. I try to find joy in the day and in the thought of celebrating (don’t get me wrong, I always thank God for his grace and mercy and allowing me to see another birthday), but sometimes I feel my family and friends are more excited about the day than I am. I usually go out to dinner, but it is more so out of obligation to my family, rather than of celebration.  Today, I felt so much love from those who love me and for that I am grateful.  But just under the surface are memories of that night 22 years ago. I somewhat feel like a brat for not being over the top with joy in turning a year older.

Christmas is so hard too.  It was easier to get through the holiday season before I became a mother; but now I have to bury my feelings of sadness to make sure my son’s Christmas memories are filled with Joy.

This year, mentally, I did make (and still working at it) a conscious decision to celebrate…but the sadness is winning the battle so far. But as I write this blog, I just had a revelation…If my grandmother felt that my born day was so important that she would fight to live a bit longer, then why should I not celebrate the day God saw fit to give me life!  Wow!

So, I am writing this quick blog as a way for me to make a conscious effort to help me move from this “spot” of birthday/holiday loneliness and to celebrate the life that I am blessed to have. This post is not fancy. It may have typos. No pictures.  It’s just me getting some feelings out and if by chance someone stumbles upon my little blog and who maybe feeling ‘some kinda way’ during this time of year; know that I am praying for you and I ask that you remember this little girl who still misses her grandmother dearly.

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Freeze Your Berries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pick! Freeze! Share!
I have truly enjoyed my Winter/Early Spring excursions to Pappy’s Strawberry Patch in Oviedo, FL.  In Central Florida, strawberry picking is alivberriese and well through April…then it’s BLUEBERRY TIME!  As strawberry picking season comes to a close, I decided that I need to pick and freeze as many berries as I can–and fast!

One thing about a Gullah woman–she always has a freezer full of freshness! It may be some fresh collards from her garden…fresh seafood caught by cousin Joe…or an extra sweet potato pie ready for a impromptu visit from family out of town.

In a effort to preserve this sweet, fresh, taste of the winter berries, I am picking and freezing like Ca-Ray-Zee! Check out my quick steps to freezing your berries, and don’t forget to share some with your neighbors!

Demarra gwine hab e own warry

Good Evening Everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend 🙂

As the day comes to a close, and some of us prepare for the work week, allow me to leave you with a scripture of mediation:

“So den, mus dohn warry bout wa gwine happen demarra. Demarra gwine hab e own warry. Ebry day hab nuff trouble ob e own.”  Matthew 6:34 (Gullah Translation)

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6:34 New International Version (NIV)

 Be Blessed!

I’m Too Perfect for my Blog

After 43 years of fighting it, I am finally ready to admit that I am a perfectionist. I have suffered years of making self-Head Shotdefeating statements and considering myself a “failure” whenever a project I am working on turns out less than perfect. It’s ironic that the projects that I feel reflect a mediocre effort at best, others greet those same projects with admiration and accolades. When confronted with this situation, I wish I could accept the well wishes of others with grace; but instead, all I can see are the things that I could have done to make it better—in other words “perfect”.
I know my blog has suffered because of this attitude. I have come up with awesome ideas and campaigns for my blog and set out a plan of execution; however, if I miss a day of posting or face “blogger’s block” I completely give up on blogging for a while. It’s amazing how a temporary issue derails my blogging efforts and the perfectionist in me throws the baby out with the bathwater.
We today is a new day! Admitting the problem is half the battle. So today is the first day of the rest of my blog life. Let’s do this!